The day to day reality for many of us who always insist on a condom is that sometimes men will quite literally end sex and walk out of the door when they find that we will only fuck with a condom.
This is a mirror of the “HIV stigma” which the gay (ill) health charities are always banging on about.
Through their failure to condemn behaviour which is damaging to the individual, our brothers in the gay community and wider society, the charities themselves have helped to create an epidemic of bareback sex which sooner or later will end in tragedy for many gay men.
HIV+ men have tended to drive the bareback fetish, but increasingly it has spread amongst men who aren’t positive (yet) and who are pulled and persuaded into into this self-destructive behaviour.
Certain pathological individuals within the organisations continue to spew the kind of warped thinking which probably got them positive in the first place. Bareback is more intimate they say.
One can only imagine that these are damaged individuals who have never been able to enjoy a normal interaction with another human being. Kissing and cuddling are intimate, being close, sharing food and life, loving someone and looking after them and (here’s the thing) keeping them healthy because you love them and would hate to lose them. And it’s about loving and taking care of yourself too. Who you are.
In the context of an ongoing health epidemic and diseases which could seriously harm your future health, shorten your life or even kill you, bareback is particularly about degrading or being degraded, domination and even about getting a kick from hurting and damaging another individual or about being “used” because you feel worthless.
So no it isn’t like your mum and dad when they had sex and made you.
It isn’t anything to do with “health” or “liberation” it is sickness. The result of 20 years of uncaring Pink Pound greed which plays on insecurity and always prioritises whatever makes the most cash. Be it a gay pub which will serve people until they fall down and make foolish sexual mistakes, a bareback sauna or gay marketing company ramping up feelings of inadequacy for men who don’t have the body, job, loft apartment or lifestyle. Telling us that unless we’re married with kids we are inferior to straights. A complete turnaround from 30 years ago when it was about all celebrating and enjoying our difference. Glad to be gay, out and proud. Fuck the family was another slogan of the time.
The (ill)health organisations are themselves part of this insidious problem. Always with an eye on which developments will ensure the most funding and progress their corporate careers. 40p condoms are cheap and cheerful with a simple message. That won’t do. Not enough mileage in them…
The more tragedy and disaster there is, the more victims, the more complicated costly strategies, the better for these people.
We all must try to cut through this crap and identify what is best for us as individuals. To keep us, happy, healthy and safe. Also as a genuine community of gay men if that’s possible. Although a growing number of people think we are witnessing the dying days of the gay community. The evidence seems to be all around us.